Different Strokes Of Pre-Marital Sex

It was our first night. We both were on our bed and looked at each other. She looked into my eyes and I could see that she really wanted me to know what she had in mind. But I did know exactly what she wanted and I wanted the same too!

Do you know exactly how it is done?” my wife asked me.
Of course!”  I said. “I have done it plenty of times earlier” I added.
She looked at me surprised. I looked at her through the corner of my eye.
You know me since 3 years but you never told me that you knew how to do it“ she said bewildered.
What is there to tell, don’t you know how to do it?” I asked her
Of course I know, I am not so dumb” she said irritated.
Can I help the fact that you never gave me a chance to do it before marriage and show you that I can” I grinned.
Bah… Ok… Is it ready?”  She asked.
Yes…. It is!” I said and passed her the tuna sandwich that I had just prepared  and asked her to tell me how it tasted, it was obviously good considering that we both were hungry after the wedding reception!

So this was not exactly what you expected it to be, I am pretty sure about that. Even if it was, don’t even a for minute think that I would agree!

Talking about sex in India is a taboo. Whether you are married or not, it is not something to be written or spoken or discussed about. It is something that is confined to the bedroom between you and your partner. If by chance you are caught talking or discussing about it, especially if you are a woman, or you are a man discussing about it in front of other women , then you will probably be termed as one with loose character. Someone once said A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after. Whether the saying is right or wrong, one thing for sure is that its exactly the opposite in our culture. It’s our Indian mindset where from the time we are young our thoughts about sex are suppressed.

As you watch the shows on Star World or the Hollywood movies, you often come across scenes where the parents think about advising their young children about sex. They often call it the “birds and bees” talk. How many of you have actually had that talk with your children or have had the talk given to you by your parents. In India the talk of birds and bees probably will end up with the explanation of different kinds of birds and bees so that their children top their class in the exams.

Courtesy: Dr Nishita Fernandes

Courtesy: Dr Nishita Fernandes

So when sex itself is sometimes looked upon as a sin, discussing about pre-marital sex will probably wake up the moral police around! But before passing a judgement on the rights and wrongs of pre-marital sex lets just go through different scenarios that come into play. In true medical style lets divide the different scenarios into case reports and then decide for ourselves what should the possible conclusion be.

Case 1
A 21 year old girl is in love with a guy who is 24 and wants to marry him. They have been together for about 2 years now without getting into a physical relationship. The guy tells her that he wants to have sex with her and promises to marry her if she does so. “We’ll anyways be doing it after marriage, so whats the harm in trying it now” he says.She really loves him and gives in to his demand. Whether he will go on to marry her or not, we will never know. What do you think? Is she right in fulfilling his demands even though she has absolute faith in him? Put yourself in both the guy’s as well as the girl’s place and think from their point of view.

Case 2
A guy aged 35 and lady aged 32 are in a live in relationship. They have known each other for 4 months and now have decided to move in together. It’s been a week since they started sharing their living space. Both are open to the idea of having sex without thinking about the future. The girl thinks to herself “It cant be called pre-marital sex if you don’t intend to get married” and doesn’t mind having such an opinion at all.  So should they go ahead with it. Is it right or wrong to think this way?

Case 3
Two young guys are in a relationship. Obviously not many people around know about them except for their very close friends. They want to get into a physical relationship. They are open to the idea of getting married and then doing it but in India will gay marriage ever be legalized? What should they do? Don’t homosexuals have the desires as well or are you someone who feels that there is no place for homosexuals in our society? Wont this be categorized as pre-marital sex or does the gay community come under a whole different category.

Case 4
Teenagers these days get carried away easily. Its not shocking to know that they want to experience sex even when in school without having to think about the consequences about it later. They feel that it is an experience they SHOULD have before they get anywhere close to marriage years later without which their friends will call them saints. Watch any of the english TV shows and that is all the teenagers talk about in them. Do you think on the same lines?

Courtesy: Dr Nishita Fernandes

Courtesy: Dr Nishita Fernandes

So as you can see,when you think about it this way pre-marital sex gains a whole new meaning or rather a different perspective. Its not just a question about right and wrong. Its more about whether you would like to do it or not. It is a personal choice. If I belonged to case 3, I would definitely have had no objection to pre-marital sex. Its probably the only sex that one can have, especially in India if one belonged to that case scenario! Case 2 too would be a totally personal opinion rather than applying a norm. You cant force someone to get married, of course it does happen here but once someone has made up their mind to stay away from the bond of marriage you can do nothing about it. Nor can you stop them from having sex, can you? But after all this, if they do decide to someday change their mind and tie the knot either with their live in partner or someone else, then you would call it pre-marital sex, wouldn’t you? And would that be right or wrong? It’s an absolute personal decision

But when it comes to case 1 and case 4 and also if someone asked me whether I would advocate pre-marital sex, I would definitely and emphatically say a NO. Pre-marital sex has no place in my opinion because personally for me sex acquires more meaning after marriage. Yes it is something very personal which unites two people even more. I don’t want to do it just for the sake of it before marriage nor for  the experience. Also I think it would be grossly unfair to the girl because by chance if the relationship doesn’t work out, it would mean more harm to her because whether you like it or not, Indian mindset is such that they will judge a woman based on her virginity but never the man.I would be very angry with the guy in case 1 and also the teenagers involved in case 4, not because they go against my opinion but more because of the definite risks and problems involved with pre-marital sex. We tend to forget that kids these days especially here, acquire half knowledge through the internet (mainly because their parents refused to have the talk with them) and then get into a physical relationship. Teenage pregnancies are on a high which can be traumatic both to the girl and the parents which then leads to the killing of an unborn child or abandoning them after birth. I have seen about 3 cases myself where unmarried teenagers are brought by their parents with pain abdomen suspecting appendicitis when in fact they are pregnant. When at one end there are couples striving to get a child, at the other extreme are those who don’t let a child come into the world or abandon them because of their stupidity. And what about STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Diseases). Yes they are a reality. Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to sex. One nights pleasure can make you suffer for the rest of your life if you get infected be it HIV, Hepatitis or for that matter even syphilis. A big price to pay isn’t it?

Whether one is married or not, the strength of one’s relationship definitely decides whether one would want to get into a physical relationship with his/her partner or not.So as you can see, the answer to the question is not a straight forward one. And I still think its a personal decision to which norms shouldn’t be applied.  What is most important is that one is responsible, knowledgeable and mature enough to have the RIGHT opinion.

Authors Note:

This blogpost is an entry for Indiblogger’s “Yes or No to Pre-marital Sex” contest with Poonaam Uppal’s True Love – A Mystical True Love Story.

All the sketches in the post are provided by Dr Nishita Fernandes, my only wife!


IMG_20141006_185952Title : Private India
Author: Ashwin Sanghi & James Patterson
Publisher: Arrow Books
Pages : 470
Genre: Thriller
Release date: 2014
Review for : BlogAdda.com

About the Authors:
Ashwin Sanghi is a popular Indian fiction writer with 3 previous bestsellers – The Rozabal Line, Chanakya’s Chant & The Krishna Key.
James Patterson has written some of the popular series like The Alex Cross, Women’s Murder Club & Detective Michael Bennett novels.
This novel is infact a part of his PRIVATE series where he collaborates with different writers from different countries
What is the story about?
The first impression that you get on reading the title PRIVATE INDIA is that its probably a story about the stock & bulls & bears but it actually is about PRIVATE INDIA, the Mumbai branch of the world famous International Investigation agency headed by Jack Morgan. The story is about how Private India is involved in solving a series of murders happening all over Mumbai & ending up getting more than what they bargained for.
The thrills & spills…..
So Private India as mentioned above is a an investigation agency based in Mumbai, which is an International brand headed by Jack Morgan. The Mumbai branch of the agency is headed by Santosh Wagh & his team of Nisha, Mubeen & Hari.

The story begins in the backdrop of the Mumbai serial blasts of 1993(Which I felt was brought into the story for no apparent reason) where a serial killer is on the prowl & is targeting seemingly unsuspecting & unconnected individuals. The murders themselves aren’t straight forward with every murder being a part of a larger puzzle being planned by the devious mind of the killer. With each murder the killer leaves a fresh set of clues for PRIVATE INDIA to find & that’s how the story unfolds with each clue pointing fingers at different suspect at different times.
For some reason the character of Santosh Wagh reminded me of Dr Gregory House from House MD. He is a grumpy aging ex military guy who wields a walking stick but seems to be extremely good at what he does. His team of Nisha Gandhe, Mubeen Yusuf & Hari Padhi are all experts in their respective fields.The story has everything. In fact it has so many components included that you can probably write 2 or 3 stories based on each of them! If one chapter is entirely dedicated to a steamy sex session between two of the major characters, the other one is based on NIMBOO BABA, who reminds you of the notorious baba in Singham! The story keeps shifting from a local gunda to cricket spot fixing (A little far fetched) to filmfare awards to a cult (which seems to be a standard for most Indian fiction thriller writers these days.
The story moves at a fast pace with short & crisp chapters which sometimes are so short that its tough to keep up with the timeline of the story.The description of the location of the office of PRIVATE INDIA was hilarious! I felt that there were too many elements included almost to please the readers with different interests. Also the emotions of the main characters was a big BIG let down. You hardly get to know them & at the end of the story you’ll probably never remember a Santosh Wagh or Nisha or for that matter ANYBODY in the story! The climax was intriguing especially to know who the killer was & the way the murders were connected & the reasoning behind the murders & the choice of victims was quite good.
All in all PRIVATE INDIA is an “ok” read. You can probably add it to your wish list & read it when you are waiting for something better to come out.

Score- 5.5/10


This review is a part of the biggest Book Review Program for Indian Bloggers

My Dream Library

Indiblogger has come up with unique ideas over the years to stimulate bloggers & keep them active & INDSPIRE is one among them. I must admit I am a bit late in catching the INDISPIRE bug but that was just because I was away from blogging for more than a year. Now that I am here, there’s is no stopping me.

The topic is MY DREAM LIBRARY is long gone but its something I had to write about because a library is always what I wanted to have & I have already begun the process of getting the books for it. My idea of a dream library might probably too much to ask for but as they say there’s no harm in dreaming so here goes….
Well every little detail is important so we’ll start one at a time.
First & foremost I’m not a fan of the modern library set in a swanky building with bright lights all around. I infact prefer the ‘antique’ look. I would like to have my library to have completely hard flooring, yes wood! The one that even makes a creaking noise when you step on it. Ill then cover it with a brown/maroon carpet for the most part of it just to give it that cozy feel.

New folder
The ceiling again will be simple. No LED/LCD lights. Don’t want it to look like a call centre. A couple Antique fans with those lights at the centre (yes those things always captured my imagination) with hard wood ceiling again!

ceiling final
This is obviously the best part. I would like my shelves to reach up to my eye level. Shelves extending to the ceiling are a definite NO NO. I prefer having every book within reach without having to use a chair or a ladder to grab them. The empty space above the shelves would be covered by portraits of my favourite authors, snapshots of interesting facts & pictures of some bestsellers over the years.
I would divide the books based on authors alphabetically, not by genre. One reason is that I find it very difficult to divide the books based on genre & the other being I always remember the authors. Autobiographies & biographies will be a completely different section though. Dan Brown, Fredrich Forsyth, Agatha Christie, John Grisham, I want them all …..And I wont forget my Archies, Tinkle, Chacha Chowdry,Amar Chitra Katha’s as well!

setting 2 setting 3

A reading chair, a nice relaxing lazy boy actually with an over head reading lamp (coz the rest of the room will be lit by a dim lamp, you have to always take care of your eyes you know!). The corner of the room having a music player to play soft music when I’m taking a break from the reading. An air freshner or scented candles. Wow! Now that would be bliss. It would be my very own safe place/escape route from the rest of the world!

books 1 setting 1


This blog post is an insipration from Indiblogger.In ‘s INDISPIRE initiative