Oh The Woes Of Social Networking!!!!!
It had been a hard day at the office. Deadlines, deadlines & more deadlines. It seemed never ending. Edward was finally at home away from all the madness. Its now time for the best part of the day… Social Networking!!! A term unheard of a few years back but now an indispensible part of his life. He logs on to Facebook & Twitter. His eyes move to the red flag… all he wants to know is how many updates he’s had & from whom!
He checks his updates. He’s disappointed. The “Friendship Request” he sent Michelle a colleague who worked on the floor above was still not accepted. He wondered why. Was she angry with the request? Not that she had any reason to accept it coz frankly speaking they weren’t friends. They hadn’t even spoken to each other, except a glance or two but even so, she had to accept it!! It would be a an insult of social networking proportions if she didn’t. He cursed all the girls in the world all the while checking the new pics uploaded by those of the opposite gender.
9:00 AM( Next Morning)
Edward entered the office. He looked around, but nobody seemed to be bothered that he was there. He made a mental note to spam them all with FARMVILLE requests. Nothing could be more irritating than asking someone to feed your cow 5 times a day.He walked over to his cabin. On the way he saw Loreen, another employee… she looked a li’l low but that was understandable coz she had put an inverted smiley as her status msg last night. 150 ppl had commented on it but Loreen had’nt replied. Edward cursed her, if she didn’t want anyone to know why she was sad why did she have to put up that status in the 1st place! He had wasted an hour waiting for her reply to the 150 comments from everybody but it never came. He sat down at his table wanting some coffee but he didn’t dare touch it coz someone had put up last night on FB that coffee might contain radioactive material coz it may have come from Japan. Edward wasn’t gonna take any chances!!
Edward gets bored & logs in to Facebook. There were now 200 comments on Loreen’s status but still no reply from her. How come girls get so many comments? Nobody would bother if he said that he was gonn kill himself but 200 people are worried about this girls smiley. Meanwhile there’s a new development, that really got him excited. Michelle’s status said “Single Again” “OMG! THE Michelle is single again, he had been praying for that to happen for a year now. “ This has to be best news ever” he said aloud. There were already 15 guys asking her “what happened” & “Im here for you babe” & Edward knew that this was opportunity so he posted “ Tough times never last but tough people do” It didn’t make sense but he was too excited to think it over. He wondered if she would be impressed. In the next minute she “LIKED” what he posted & he was over the moon. He wondered what she liked about it coz he himself didn’t know what he meant. “Who cares, she likes it & that’s what matters” he thought
After talking to 15 clients & solving all their problems, FB needed him again. 45 notifications! He jumped with joy wondering who had sent him so many messages only to realize that it was just another 45 guys replying to Michelle’s relationship status. He was angry. He called them all vultures & threw all the fishes of fishville at them but only in his mind. He decided to ignore Michelle. Still no sign of Susan though. “I wonder whats taking her so long to accept the he request “ He wondered. He checked that there were new pictures uploaded by his colleague. It was a party at his place house. Michelle & Susan were both there along with many other familiar faces from the office. Edward fumed. How dare they not invite him & promptly put him in his ‘ignore’ list. He then spammed him with Cityville updates.
Afternoon at the office was a drag especially after a heavy lunch. He wondered what was happening in the world of social networking. He logged in. He decided that it was time he draw some attention to himself. After thinking a lot he posted ‘ Work is killing, don’t think I can survive another day’… he waited. No comments. 10 mins…no comments, 20 mins…no comments. Cursing everyone he decided to poke Ajay. He poked back… “Oh so he is online & yet didn’t comment on my status”. He decided to exact revenge & opened Mafia Wars & after spending 15 mins on it trying to kill him ended up losing 50,000 Mafia dollars. Nothing was going right today, the FB fortune cookie was right today when it said “You’re gonna fight a losing battle” He thought he’ll divert his mind with work.
He looked up from his papers which had kept him busy for the last hour or so. Still no comments on his status. Something else caught his eye. Tania!!!! Her status said “Parents leaving to Canada, home alone for a week” He jumped with joy off his chair & landed on the floor. Heads turned towards him & he sheepishly got back on his chair. Tania was one of the office hotties & though he had never spoken to her he felt he had a chance. He immediately commented “Want some company?”. Just then he saw that Ajay had answered a quiz which declared that he’s soulmate was Susan !!!! WTF!!! “ 1st he doesn’t comment on my status, then he makes me lose my Mafia money & now this!!!” The nerve of the guy! Edward answered the same quiz. Result – Ajay was his soulmate.
Just done with tea break after a grueling session. Again no Coffee for him, stupid Earthquake in Japan, all the bad things happen to him only. Edward eagerly logs on to FB! YES!!!! 8 updates… he wondered how many girls commented on his status. But alas there was only one comment & … Joseph with his reply “Don’t die today dude, tomorrow is Sunday. Monday wud be better coz we’d get a holiday the next day” Edward made a mental note to raid his farm later. Also the coffe thing was a hoax by some sadist geek who thought that it was funny. Still no news from Susan. Still no comment from Michelle & still Tania didn’t invite him home! Edward felt like he was fighting a losing battle against humanity. And Ajay still was his soulmate. Edward decided to never to use FB again!
Edward decided to use Facebook again. He logged in. Antony had sent him a heart. Weird , geeky Antony. He deleted it & removed Antony from his friends list. Everything remained status quo. Except for one thing. Michelle had posted a link to her blog. Edward jumped on it. He read for what seemed an eternity at the end of which all he understood was that Michelle was single again. But that was something he already knew this morning. Oh what a waste of time! He superpoked her partly coz he was irritated & partly to get her to reply to him. He also had to delete 20 farmville requests, apparently he wasn’t the only one who spammed others with them. People were leaving the office silently. Mafia killer Ajay, then weird Antony, Masochist Susan, Home alone Tania & single Michelle all made their way out with host of others. Nobody seemed to be talking. Why talk when you can chat on Facebook.
The day has come to an end & Edward wants to have one last look at FB (one last look for the day that is) Ajay has “LIKED” his status. The nerve of the guy! Edward threw a pig at him. Michelle had changed her relationship status to “In a relationship” …. WTF that was the shortest breakup ever. Tania had put up that she was having the best time ever. Apparently now she wasn’t home alone…. And Susan had sent him a msg asking “Do I know you?” Edward decided never to use FB again & deactivated his account.
Edward reactivates his account……….